Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
