Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We need to get me chipped asap
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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