my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
