we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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