This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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