The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
