hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
