and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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