tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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