garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
