The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
