We're facebook friends in real life
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
