We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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