tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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