didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
