Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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