Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
