Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
