Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
