Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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