this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Shame - the story of my life.
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