I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
