"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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