why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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