I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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