She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
