those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
