told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
