Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need to calm my uterus...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
