My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
