xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He kissed a someone with a penis
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
