I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
