dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
