Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
