two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
