sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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