definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
