The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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