he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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