Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
