Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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