She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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