I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
