She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can I color on your dick again?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
