Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
