remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
