so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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