his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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