If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
40s are totally the cure
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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