so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
