This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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