dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
