Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
