So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
