I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
