just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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