I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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